by Hank Quense

"How do I cast a spell without getting a nosebleed?" Mamzer asked.

"You're safe now that it is put together."

"Let me talk to the yuks before you do anything," Frido said, as he set out down the rise.

"Enough with the talk," Gimlet said, "let's kick some yuk butt."

Frido approached the river and called out in what he hoped was a stern voice, "Cease your activities. If you come closer, you will suffer the consequences."

"Hey! Ya wanna fight, do ya?" Freddie Mac's mouth curled into a sneer. "Even gotta dragon, I see. Looks like it should be inna old-timer's home 'stead of bein' out where it can get hurt." He turned to his workers. "Get yer weapons. We gonna have some fun."

The yuks responded with laughter and good-natured pushing and shoving. They fetched spears and curved swords from tents scattered among the trees and formed into two platoons, each forty strong. Fannie Mae walked through the ranks, improving morale.

"This ring thingee better work," Dementia said.

"Build up a belly fire," Mamzer told Wygga, "just in case."

"I can't. I ran out of coal."

"There's plenty of wood around," Mamzer replied. "It's fibrous and will do wonders for your digestive track."

"Wood does taste better but it doesn't burn hot enough. I won't be able to snort fire today."

Alarmed at the sight of armed yuks, Frido made it back up the rise in a state of agitation. His mouth was so dry, he didn't think he'd be able to talk. The situation had taken a nasty turn and threatened to careen out of control. He had a potential massacre on his hands and he was included in the folks getting massacred.

"Iffen this spell don't work, I got me a big problem," Gimlet said.

"Aww, is dwarfy afraid of the big bad yuks?" Dementia asked.

"Naw, I didn't get to ask about the potty break."

Freddie Mac ordered his yuks forward. Fannie Mac blew kisses to the troops as they marched past her.

"Iffen Mamzer don't do somethin' quick," Gimlet told Frido, "you're gonna see more trouble than you ever dreamed of."

"Cast a spell!" Frido cried out.

"Do it," Wygga said.

"Now!" Dementia shouted.

"Good thing you got a dwarf with you. Dwarfs always get wizards outta the messes they make." Gimlet spit on the blade of his ax and wiped it around with his hand.

Dementia wailed:
"He spits on his ax,
Before he gives whacks.
The dwarf's a pig, and,
Certainly not a prig.

Iffen I knew what 'prig' meant, I'd probably get mad at you." Gimlet took a few warm-up swings.

"Well, I guess it's time." Mamzer held the rings over his head and mumbled.

"Out loud," Wygga said. "The rings won't take silent orders."

"Cast a spell!" Frido screamed in a cracked voice. "The yuks are almost at the bridge."

"I command you --"

"In Elvish B," Wygga said.

"What?"

"The rings will only obey to commands in the Elvish B language."

"Umm . . . Flarish . . er . . .sturath . . . warieth . . . lertans . . . herazernt."

"Fool!" Wygga roared. "You said, 'Cast a spell and make it brown. What kind of magic is that?"

"Look!" Dementia pointed towards the yuks.

Starting at the bridge and moving away from the Shore, the black surface of the road turned light brown. The yuks sank in the material up to their ankles. The front ranks fell forward when they tried to march in the gunk. When they pulled their faces out of the sticky surface, it covered their noses, mouths and eyes. They worked themselves into sitting positions and stuffed handfuls of road into their mouths.

"What did you do?" Frido asked Mamzer.

"He turned the road into marzipan dough," Wygga said. "It's made out of almond paste and sugar."

A red-faced Mamzer looked at his feet and shook his head.

Freddie Mac roared and cursed at his troops who ignored him.

Fannie Mae scooped up a handful of road and crammed it into Freddie Mac's mouth. "Shaddup and eat," she said.

"I'm gonna sneak up and slaughter a few yuks," Gimlet said. "Be right back."

"No you're not," Frido said. "Our problem is over."