Dusk
-- creeping around corners, lurking under trees, hiding the ruts
in the track up to the house, changing the colors of sunset from
gold to jaundiced yellow, shifting shapes of rain butts and abandoned
garden chairs to ossified bears and giant insects. Jenny felt
its darkness gather about her shoulders and drift before her to
the cottage, rushing easily through the gap under the door while
she struggled to juggle luggage and keys. By the time she had
the door open, dusk had filled the rooms within with threats indistinct
as the light. Breath on her neck sent her a step over the threshold.
"Not
bad, eh? Lucky for us old Desi broke his ankle and couldn't drive
down." Bob pushed past her and set the rest of their bags
down.
"So
you keep saying." Jenny followed. The door opened directly
onto the dining area. The rough plastered walls, beamed ceilings
and stone floor all matched perfectly with the description Bob's
workmate had given them. She shivered.
"We'll
soon get the place warmed up. Look -- a real fireplace."
Bob grinned with the enthusiasm of a Boy Scout who has at last
been told he can use his two sticks.
Jenny
nodded. The chill rose up from the stone flags, a reminder of
damp earth and graveyards. The dusk filled her nostrils with the
smell of it.
"Where's
the light switch?" she groped around the door. "Found
it!"
Warm
light flattened the moving darkness, restoring the furniture to
proper inanimate shapes. Jenny struggled to keep her exhalation
even, annoyed with herself. This holiday was meant to quench the
fear that followed her like footsteps in the park, to blow away
the memory of decayed breath and a slobbering mouth searching
her throat. There were no shadows waiting beneath the stone flags
to grab her ankles. One, two -- trod on a crack -- you're it!
"Right,
then! You see to the fire while I unpack," she spoke briskly,
deliberately treading on the gaps between the flags, feeling icy
fingers snatch at her as she strode across the room to the window.
She turned with her hand on the curtains ready to shut out the
approaching night.
"Whoever
finishes first gets supper. OK?" She smiled to soften the
tone which sounded in her ears too much like a schoolma’am.
They were supposed to have left work behind with the fear.
Jenny
turned back to the window and caught her breath. A face, only
glimpsed for an instant, but the fear and shock of it cramped
Jenny's muscles into immobility. Only an instant and it was gone,
but whose was it?
"What's
the garden like?" Bob's voice carried a hint of chastisement.
Did he know? Was that why he brought her here? To confront it
-- whatever "it" was – was it fear, or herself?
"Dark,
the garden's dark." Jenny forced her fingers to unclench.
Nothing, no movement. It must have been her reflection, but did
she really look so scared, as if the foul vagrant still followed
her? It had smelled as if his flesh was already rotting, his bony
fingers and sinews impossibly strong for one who lived rough.
That was what they thought – all of them -- the police,
her colleagues, Bob. She could have beaten him off, outrun him;
it was her fault. Perhaps she had wanted it to happen or perhaps
it had never happened. He was still following her. He had invaded
her mind the same way he had invaded her body.
"I
thought you were going to unpack." Jenny heard an unspoken
injunction to pull yourself together.
It
must have been a reflection. How else could it just vanish?
She
carried the luggage upstairs and determinedly kept her eyes on
the curtains as she drew them. She deliberately flung open the
wardrobe doors. Nothing hid there except a few hangers and a lavender
bag. She rejected the urge to look under the bed. She would have
no more to do with bogie men, no more reflections on the glass
or in her head.
Forcing
her limbs to move smoothly and unhurriedly, Jenny completed her
task, laying claim to the dressing-table with her make-up bag,
taking possession of the bathroom with their toothbrushes. Any
shadows that yet remained could stay out of the way until they
went home again. She would conquer them, assert her superiority
with the mundane.
When
she went back downstairs, Bob was still kneeling before the grate
like a penitent priest.
"You
look as if you're about to offer up an invocation."
"Ha
ha! It's probably the only way I shall get this thing to light."
"Would
you like me to have a go?"
Bob
scowled. "What do you know about lighting fires?"
"Well,
let's hope the cooker runs on electricity, otherwise we shall
starve as well as freeze."
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