“No,
you’re not a ghost,” I said finally, “you’re
alive. Besides, ghosts aren’t real, and even if it’s
only to me, you’re real.” She smiled at that, and
I pulled her down to where I sat and hugged her fiercely.
“But
maybe I’m not real,” she insisted, voice muffled by
my shirt, “Maybe I’m just a figment of your imagination,
William. Maybe that’s why no one else can see me.”
She looked up at me, eyes full of intensity and asked, “Am
I real, William?”
I
was quiet just a moment too long.
“You
don’t believe in me, do you?” she whispered, stricken,
“I’m just something made up. It’s just like
I’ve thought. None of this is really happening, not to you,
or to me -- it’s just some kind of game! I feel like I’ve
suffered so much, always been so lonely -- but it’s nothing.
I’m nothing!” She stood up and shoved me off. “Get
out! Stop it! Stop imagining me! Leave me alone!”
I
didn’t know what to do. I was hurt and upset, but it was
nothing compared to what she must have felt. I tried to touch
her, to get near to her again, but she wouldn’t have me.
I struggled to find words, to tell her that it’s not true.
That it’s not my doing, that’s it’s not her
fault, that I think she’s real, that she doesn’t have
to be so sad or so lonely.
“Stop!”
I shouted. And she did. There were tears of anger running down
her face and the look she gave me turned my stomach inside out
and made me cold. “Rysia, listen to me, please?” She
was silent, so I just continued. “You are real. You have
never been anything but real to me. You are not just something
I or someone else made up. Believe me Rysia, please, believe me.”
I moved closer to her, and she let me touch her. I held her tightly,
and was relieved when she put her arms around me. She was crying
again, and I felt like crying with her.
“You’re
nobody’s toy, Rysia. I love you.”
Her
grip around me tightened, and we stood there for a long time.
She stepped back, eventually, but before she could say anything
she fainted. I tried to catch her, but her body disappeared before
I could even reach out.
#
Then
we started the experiments. They didn’t last long, just
a few days. She would stay inside, while I took things out. Her
notebooks and stationery were the only residents of the tower
other than Rysia herself, so we used those as test subjects. We
started small, first taking a pencil outside, then a pen. We made
sure that nothing was damaged on its way out, that everything
worked outside the clock room as well as inside. After the first
day, we grew more confident. Eventually, we were tossing and rolling
things out the door, to see if they could get passed the threshold
without help. Items would overnight with me, and I would bring
things inside to spend time with Rysia. Even her calculator, the
most complex item we could find, functioned fine both inside and
out. Soon we were ready to take the plunge.
I
was nervous. She was nervous, too. We spent some time procrastinating,
going over the same questions, the same tests. But in the end,
there was only one question to be answered: could Rysia exist
outside of this room? There was only one way to find out.
We
held hands, more for comfort than anything else, and took the
steps one at a time. The inside of the door was as blank as the
outside, and I think it was even more intimidating than that first
time I’d faced it; I pulled it open. In two strides, we
were out the door and standing on the landing. Rysia’s hand
was cold and clammy, but I could still feel it in my own, sweaty
palm. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding, and
turned to look at her. And panicked.
Rysia’s
eyes were wide and afraid, and I could see right through them
to the wall behind. I was so shocked I took a step back and pulled
her with me. She became even less substantial. In desperation,
I grabbed her other hand and ran back into the clock room. I stopped
in the center of the room and she stumbled to a halt behind me.
I steadied her, and pulled her close. She was gasping for breath
and her skin had gone pale. But at least she wasn’t transparent.
At least I could look at her and see her.
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